Lie
by lilylynn
Summary: The woman in front of him; his best friend, his confidante, encompassed everything around him and Harvey was for the moment, completely and utterly sober.


A/N: Hello fellow Suitors! This is my first Suits story and I say this because if I'm not being completely honest, Harvey and Donna are awfully hard to write sometimes. They have such a crazy, complicated relationship and Harvey can be difficult to tap into since it's so hard to really read into his emotions on tv. I have gone over several different ideas and just tried to run with this one. I will say, the pov does switch back and forth between them in this piece but I like how certain areas turned out. Constructive criticism is more than welcome as I'll greatly take it and I believe the ending is a little rushed but thought I'd post this anyways.

Hope you all enjoy! Much love and thanks!

…

Donna doesn't lie. That much she expressed to him a week ago.

She was extremely passionate about the topic and he knew she was right to yell at him. Her fear of looking like a liar to David Fox as well as anyone else, absolutely fueled her forward to tell him like it is. She stood her ground. And of course she was right. She earned everything and deserved even more.

The COO position wasn't given to her because of their history and friendship. The bond they had didn't make the decision. Yes, he told her she could have it in an almost exasperated, giving in manner but Harvey knew deep down that she could handle anything that was put in front of her. Qualified on paper or not, she has what it takes. Mistakes are made but he's there to fix them all. Bottom line, he trusts her. He's just hard on her. He believed he was like that with everyone.

As more thoughts of Donna bled into his veins and made a home within his mind, Harvey took another sip of his scotch. She has been invading his thoughts more and more lately. Leaning back into his office chair, the view of the city lights reflecting in his eyes, he knew something was amiss. And it was his entire fault.

Why does he take his anger out on her more often? Could the knowledge of her telling him she didn't feel anything be the reason? If he wasn't such a mess he'd realize the words he said didn't help matters. He'd realize that they both said stupid things in the heat of the moment.

The fire in her eyes the other day still burned in his memory. The anger she showed towards him was so sharp and cold that he might as well have been cut open with a knife and left there to bleed. The confirmation from Samantha that he didn't need to hear, told him yet again that Donna doesn't lie.

She does not lie.

Any hope for her to ever admit she felt something in that kiss was squandered. It's like she was just right out of his reach. His fingertips could brush past her but he couldn't hold her heart. Harvey felt his gut wrench, achingly so to where he felt nauseous; a kind of nausea that had nothing to do with the Macallan resting in his glass. No hangover in history could top this feeling.

The reality of it all was settling in. He was a self-righteous, grade A asshole. He would never pin himself as a coward, especially in the courtroom. But outside of work, Harvey feels himself now checking off into that category. How could he be so heartless? What happened to the world he knew and was comfortable in? A world where Donna was by his side and all was right. Maybe that was the key to it all. The fact that he was too comfortable where they were together with work and everything was in place. The pot gets stirred and suddenly his comfort zone is tilted and Harvey has no idea how to take it all in. Her eyes, glistening with unshed tears, as she moves closer to him, would be his undoing forever. Her lips, soft and so imaginably inviting, close in on his. The way his lips pressed forward, kissing her back, would be relived in his mind on replay. Everything that happened in those few short moments left Harvey speechless. Only she could do that to him.

And yet, she felt nothing.

He was wallowing in his own self-pity and putting blame on Donna when he was the one who never said more about his true feelings. He attacked her harshly because of the emotions that arose from her crossing that line. He felt betrayed by her in some sense and everything just flew off the handle when they finally hashed it out in the lobby. He shouldn't have said a lot of the things he did say to her. That pained expression in her eyes right before he walked away and left her standing there. He sees it now when before he couldn't see anything but his blind anger.

Talk about god awful timing.

As Harvey takes in the New York City night life below him, he downs the rest of the scotch. The burn is welcomed as he shifts in his chair.

How could she not feel anything if he is feeling everything? It's like the instant her lips touched his; a whole other world was presented to him that he thought he could never live in. They had lines. They had rules. They never tapped into any of it all again.

It's like it was never an option or never on the table so they both just swept everything under the rug and moved on.

Or so he assumed.

Of course he would be fooling himself and everyone around him if he didn't admit that he thought about it. And yet he never does admit to it. Other than that little slip to Donna herself about strawberries and whipped cream. A remark to which she replied with an eye roll and calling him an idiot. That much he will own up to. But it was really her smile, her laughter, her soft skin that he thought about. The way her legs had wrapped around his body like they were meant to be there. An endless amount of scotch would never warm his soul like she did that night all those years ago. Donna was it all. She still is.

And that was no lie.

_Our lines are as blurry as lines can get._

She would always find a way to slip into his mind. Donna isn't someone you could easily forget about, even if you wanted to. He could still look at her and see her hair splayed out on the bedsheets. He can hear her voice down the corridor of the office and still the sounds of her breathless laughter mixing with low moans will ring in his ear. When she passes case folders his way and their fingertips brush, Harvey can still feel her nails digging into his back and her hands at the base of his skull.

But these were forbidden thoughts and he would always shove them away, compartmentalizing everything back into their safe place inside his memory. For thirteen years he has been able to do so. There should be a damn medal for that kind of restraint.

As Harvey drags himself up and back over to the decanter to refill his glass for the third time, he doesn't notice the woman in his thoughts making her way towards his office. He surprisingly doesn't hear her heels along the floor, his mind too occupied. The memories swirling in his head was almost deafening. And again he asks himself how the hell he could have been so stupid. How did they end up on opposite sides of the playing field? They were a team after all.

She doesn't make her presence known right away. As she slows and comes to a stop at the entrance of his office, Donna rests her hip along the doorframe. Her eyes gather in the sight of Harvey, pouring more than a healthy glass of scotch. She immediately knew it was not his first. His shoulders were slightly slumped and she could already tell he was in an off mood. His suit jacket was discarded on the chair in front of his desk. The sleeves of his crisp white shirt were rolled up and she could see the muscles in his forearms work the bottle top back onto the glass decanter. His hair was still perfectly in place and she swallows thickly, feeling the emotion in the air without needing conformation. This was no celebratory drink or just a relaxing buzz. He needed to numb and blur the lines.

He was drinking to get blackout drunk.

Donna knew him better than anyone and so she knew that meant there was something heavy weighing on his mind. In his own state of mind, his only solution was to finish the bottle.

As he finally turns back towards his desk, his head raises and his eyes meet hers.

His step falters and he just stands there, motionless.

The silence smothers them both. Harvey was not prepared to see her this late at night. For all he knew, he was the only one left in the office.

She hasn't moved but her eyes are locked in on his. There was a hint of gentle curiosity in her expression but maybe it was pity. He couldn't tell. Hell, he knew it looked like he was drowning in his sorrows like an old country song. But he does not want her pity.

He wants her.

Harvey clears his throat, realizing he was still grounded in the spot.

"Donna."

His voice was deep and raspy, greeting her with a small raise of his glass.

Ignoring the slight flutter in her chest at the sound of her name leaving his mouth, Donna reminds herself to move.

Taking a few steps into his office, she wets her lips and keeps her eyes on his.

"Harvey."

Her voice is low, reserved just for him and Harvey can't take his eyes off of her. She had that ability to keep the attention on her without even trying. The black dress she wore swayed along the edges as she came closer to his desk. Her hair was off to one shoulder, leaving the other bare and Harvey could see her creamy, white skin that the dress didn't hide. Instead of thoughts of the past, all Harvey could think about was the here and now and how close she was to him. The woman in front of him; his best friend, his confidante, encompassed everything around him and Harvey was for the moment, completely and utterly sober.

_More. _

_I want something more._

She was his more.

Without really thinking about it, she moves towards the table. Picking up a spare glass, her eyes leave his as she pours herself a drink to match. Turning back towards him she is surprised to see him yet to move. So many unspoken words lay between them and the reality of that seems to have them both frozen. Harvey can't place the last time they drank together. When the walls of the firm would just melt away and it was just them and his dads' old records.

Lifting the glass to her lips, Donna takes a smooth swig, watching his eyes watch her. The burn travels down her throat and her cheeks already feel flushed from his heated stare.

_Damn._

How he has this effect on her, she should know. She does know. She's always known. Years of settling down on those feelings and emotions leaves her flustered and unsure now. How could he stare at her like that and not feel anything? In her heart she knows how she feels. The pounding of said muscle in her chest could give her away if he could only hear it. The darkness of his eyes pulls her under and he probably has no clue what he's doing to her. They were both pretty damn stubborn after all. She hides her blush behind another sip of scotch.

Having the courage to move again, Donna quietly steps towards his couch and perches herself on the edge of the cushion.

Cradling the glass in both her hands, she is the first to speak.

"Would you care to join me or are you going to stay standing there all night?"

She needn't be reminded that she actually was joining him in his office, drinking his scotch. It's just what they do. At least, it's what they used to do.

Harvey seems to kick himself mentally and soon enough sits down on the seat next to her. He immediately feels her warmth beside him, her perfume sending him on a high. She shuffles a bit, turning her body to where she is facing him more, making her knees close to his thigh.

When she looks up to his face again she's amazed at how he is still looking at her. Normally he is already putting up a façade, closing any gaps he may have left open. The deep brown of his eyes seem to devour her whole. He isn't hiding that much. But she can tell he is mulling things over in his head and keeping her in the dark in the process.

As Harvey takes in her expression, feeling his pulse pound in his ears, he swallows heavily. What could he say to her to let her in, let her know? Should he say anything? Why must it feel like he's a scared little boy when it comes to his emotions towards her? Being so out of reach over the years, he's been accustomed not to reveal anything to her.

The lines were blurry, just like she reminded him. They still flirt. It's usually harmless though and definitely not as often. Although, he's had moments to where his words catch her off guard and he secretly thinks that might actually be a good thing. Their eyes will meet across the hall and a smile will be shared. The bond they have was still there. He gives her hell and she hands it right back to him on a platter. They argue like they were professionals at it. Then patch it up with looks and implicit words and they were back to them. She was the closest person to him. She knew more about him than his own family. But Harvey now knows no matter how close you are to someone; words still need to be said. Whether they knew of some unspoken thing between them or not, with everything that has happened recently, he knew he needed to say something. Thirteen years and they settled into their norm, never really truly breaching the subject about them. It was like a silent agreement to just move on, to just be ok with what they were. Whatever it was they were. Thirteen years. Work colleagues with something a little extra they never could put a name to.

But with the ache in his heart knowing that she didn't feel anything, what can he say? He's fighting a battle within himself and can't seem to find a solution to numb this pain.

She doesn't lie.

Rolling his lips between his teeth, Harvey breaks away from her gaze and his eyes move to the glass in his hand. He could take a chance and ask her what he knows to be true and be crushed all over again. He could let her break him once more by answering him if she lied. Maybe one final say would help him to move past it. The possibility of her lying about that kiss was a negative in his mind. What she thought might be there wasn't. Those were her words, right?

But what if? What if she did feel something? What if she lied? She was the one to take the plunge in the first place and kiss him. Obviously he was on her mind in that way, otherwise she wouldn't have tried anything, right?

Those were questions that Harvey never honestly thought to be a risk. The cards that were on the table could be misleading. It's not like they've had a clean hand always in all of the years knowing each other. They say something but it doesn't mean…

Or does it?

He was still seeing Louis's therapist and perhaps the sessions he has had is what's bringing these thoughts to the starting line. He'd like to believe that talking to the man was helping. Who would have guessed Harvey was actually confronting his feelings and working out everything within him?

Swirling the liquid around a bit in his glass, Harvey feels a flicker of what someone might say was hope. And all of a sudden he wants to stir that pot himself. He wants to tell her. He wants to make her known of the facts. Hell, he wants to kiss her till every question and doubt is answered and the world just ebbs away.

She seems almost patient. Like she knows if she just stays there next to him, he will eventually open up. Or at least talk about something. He can tell she wants to be there, wants to hear him out if he's willing. Or if anything, she is content to not talk at all. They could just sit there in quiet contemplation and drink their feelings away. Lord knows a lot was said over their work drama recently. But two can tango with that, leaving a hell of a lot unsaid as well.

And who were they kidding; a whole damn novel could be written over the things left unsaid between them.

He sees her in his peripheral taking a deep breath and raising the glass to her lips again. He copies her, gathering the courage much like the liquor flowing into his mouth. Swallowing back the taste, he leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, turning his head towards her.

"What are we doing, Donna?"

If he wasn't so tired of the game, he'd be amazed at himself for just coming out and asking this but to hell with it. After all, he was out of his comfort zone and he might as well try to do something while he was. Doing and saying nothing was getting them nowhere but stuck in a rut.

But straight to the point is what he knows in the courtroom, not this rollercoaster ride he was on with her. Maybe he can hold on tight enough to get them somewhere. Otherwise he's going all the way down with his damn self-pity.

Donna blinks a few times, stunned at his forwardness. She wasn't exactly expecting that loaded of a question. Her mouth opens then closes and he realizes he's taken her off balance. The alcohol seems to be working with him, not against and he feels some strength come back to his voice as he continues, his voice low and honest.

"I know I don't deserve much. You are right to be angry with me. I'm an idiot. Just know that…I'm so sorry for the way I've spoken and treated you. You bring this place to life and keep it breathing. You are absolutely justified for your hard work and determination here. I owe everything to you, Donna."

He pauses, watching her eyes widen with his apologies and confessions in the dim light of his office. He licks his lips, purposely glancing at hers. The liquor is somewhat forgotten now, warm in his hand and Harvey is thankful he isn't drunk. He is honestly thinking clearer.

"Don't you think _we_ deserve some kind of resolution here?" He turns more in his seat, bringing himself closer. Her knees brush against his pant leg.

Donna seems to not know what to say. She almost fidgets in her seat and bites her lip and Harvey is aware, quickly looking back up to her eyes.

_What if?_

She breathes in slowly and breathes out his name softly.

"Harvey..."

She stops though, looking at him almost curiously. She's a little flushed along her neck and cheeks and Harvey doesn't miss the movement of her throat as she swallows. There's something in the golden brown flecks of her eyes that has him still continuing. This was uncharted territory. He was no good at this kind of talk and what he's about to say scares the living shit out of him. But going on along this same road without saying or doing anything was going to kill him.

"Look, Donna, that kiss affected me. And it is still affecting me. You are always on my mind and I don't want to try to change that. Instead of…running or shutting it all out…I…want to…" He cuts off but knows he's got to keep going. She's looking at him so quietly, eyes wide and Harvey feels the lump in his throat. She's sitting here next to him, close enough to touch, to kiss and he has never seen anyone so beautiful as her.

_If we can't tell each other the hard truths, then what are we doing?_

Harvey draws in another deep breath, wondering if he's royally fucking this up for good. But now is the time to put the hard truths out there, wherever that may leave them.

"I'm going out of my damn mind, Donna. I know I'm an idiot when it comes to this and I've been an idiot for the last 13 years. And all I can think about is you and how much I've screwed this up. I know I'm years too late and I know we have said so much and left even more unsaid but…I need to know."

He echoes words she used. But it's a lifeline and he's sticking with it. He may be rambling on and repeating but he knows what he wants to convey to her. She is staring at him like she's seeing him for the first time and yet like she's heard this same ole song and dance before and of course leave it to her to push a little more out of him.

"Need to know what, Harvey?"

Her voice is soft, her demeanor wanting to know but almost afraid at the same time. She is tired of letting her hopes get the best of her. Harvey was always good at doing that to her in the past.

No one said it was going to be easy. But she was worth everything. And he knows that.

Harvey thinks about putting his glass down on the table in front of them but his hands need to be occupied. Hell, he could follow her suit and just dive in. He could kiss her right now. The nerves' running through his veins has him wanting to down the rest of the scotch. But he doesn't.

His eyes find hers again.

"You said you didn't feel anything. And those words are haunting me."

It's quiet for a moment and Harvey sees the guilt flash across her face. Her cheeks are pink and her lips are wet by her tongue as she gazes almost shyly towards him. She was close. Her breath hitches just slightly and it was like she was breathing for him as well.

"That's…not exactly a question, Harvey."

He knows she's baiting him. Of course she's pushing him to come right out and speak to her instead of using small, obscure words to do the work. She needs to know just as much as he does. If this conversation happened months ago, they would be on thin ice, he was sure. And he would probably run, leaving them both hanging in the same limbo. But now, that look of hope she dares to show in her sparkling eyes has Harvey diving in head first.

"Is there a chance for us? Risk or not, I'm right here and I want you with me. It's taken me too damn long to get here and I don't want to waste any more time without you knowing how I feel and where I stand…and that's with you, Donna…"

His hands give in and he places his glass on the table, his eyes still locked in on hers. She does the same, without even thinking about it and suddenly their hands are joined like it is second nature. Just a simple embrace of fingers and palms and they are already getting back on the same playing field. She's still waiting for him patiently, knowing he has more to say.

"I know how I love you. I believe I've always known and I have shit excuses on why I never said or did anything sooner. But Donna, I'm…I'm in love with you."

The silence that follows is loud in his ears. He was sure she could feel his heartbeat clear through to his hands clasped with hers. A small tear escapes and trails down Donna's face, her eyes unwavering as she stares widely at him.

There it was; the how she never got to hear until now. He just completely put his cards on the table, fed up with the game he let continue to drag on. Now he waits, feeling a sense of relief to have finally said it.

Donna sees the truth. He most definitely wasn't holding back anything and he wasn't trying to find an escape route. He's there, right there next to her, holding her hands tight. His thumb lightly brushes along her knuckles as he stares deeply into her eyes. She did not think her heart could be more his than it was already and yet she allows herself to fall even more. The feelings that she was sure to eventually go away were stronger than ever before. The never was suddenly forever.

Taking a deep breath, it's like she can't hold quiet anymore as she grips his fingers tighter.

"I lied, Harvey."

He blinks a couple times, a near confused look on his face passes and then he hears her. He sees her expression, the love residing in her eyes.

Harvey leans in and they are a mere inch or two away from each other. He sees her almost smile, her eyes unchanged and he realizes neither one of them wants to pull away. No more running or hiding from the truth.

His lips are on hers, softly settling there, holding her in place. He feels her hum against him, welcoming his touch. Then he's lightly brushing his lips against her, small kisses to her mouth. Pulling away only slightly, their eyes meet, an unspoken question pausing them both.

_Are you sure?_

She takes a hand out of his and brings it to his jaw, fingertips grazing his hair behind his ear. She smiles and there was no longer a need for questions or doubts. He could see everything he ever wanted in her eyes.

He grins back and closes the distance for good. Kissing her deeply, arms wrapping around her, Harvey can't suppress the moan that escapes. She angles her back, head resting on the arm of the couch, pressing her chest into his as he is nearly on top of her. He devours her mouth, tasting every part of her and in this moment he has never been happier. No more lies. No more false pretenses. No fear.

They were finally there, right where they were supposed to be. Together. And Harvey wasn't about to waste any more time.

…


End file.
